ALL sorts of wrong...

For some late night internet discoveries, there are no words:

Smells come and go, pants last forever.

hello..my 12 followers....I am drunk from the new dudes who live up in the front house. They are quite cool and offered my hubby and I free drinks (that they learned to make at The Abbey) and free jeans! I am now wearing my new size 26's though I swear this is not my size. Rich got jean-sweatpants.....not as cool. They kinda remind me of these pants on the right.....Though I never had my own pair of Skidz outright- I did get Skidz hand-me-downs from our next door neighbors when I was 12. I guess my point is- neighbors like to hook me up with pants/slacks/pantaloons/things to cover my bottom....thanks to the new dude-neighbors, I also now smell like a mix of 'Coolwater' and 'Drakar Noir'. All in all..it was totally worth it. Smells come and go, pants last forever.

Goodnight skanx...xoxo

Cause every cool guy needs a popular girl!

Good morning my 10 followers :) I dreamt last night of dancing down a street in rad threads with 35 year old high school students 'rapping' at me. Didn't you ALL have this same exact hish school experience? I give you 'Teen Witch'....enjoy, bitches!

Fluffity Puffity Marshalades! or I HEART Homestar Runner!

So, whence I first moved out to Los Angeles I somehow stumbled across one of the most fantastic websites around: HomeStar Runner. For the very few of you who have yet to discover this brilliant Flash animated cartoon site, give yourself an hour or two, especially to play the old school Atari-inspired games! The site is chock full of super random, fun, home-grown humor with references to pop culture of the 70s 80s and 90s. I highly recommend checking out the TEEN GIRL SQUAD series as it is SCREAMING Adult Swim TV....

Enjoy!

Click here for one of my favorite Homestar shorts!

Howard the Duck goes Into the Woods??

Okokok! My 13 year old musical theatre nerd is singing a 'Howard the Duck' / 'Into The Woods' medley of awesomeness!!! Do you know WHY? I just discovered that the person who voiced 'Howard the Duck' was none other than......CHIP ZIEN.....The original baker from 'Into The Woods'!!....by Stephen Sondheim?...ya know, one of the most awesome musicals to grace the Broadway stage (despite it's Act 2 flaws?)....umm....it was on PBS ALL the time in the 90s? Bernadette Peters was the witch? No? Falsettoland! You saw THAT, right?! No, never? Ok,ok..whatever...so you don't like musicals and anamorphic ducks...you can at least appreciate my enthusiasm, right? No? Ok, ya know what?! Screw you with you're blank stare!....it's verrry exciting. You just don't get it. Pshh! You and your "other interests"...No, no... go ahead....get in your car! LEAVE! I'll be here..alone...singing the theme song from one of the best box office bombs of the 80s....and one of the best musicals of the 90s.

Phew! THAT GUY. Drama!

So, for those of you who aren't into musicals but ARE into comics...'Howard the Duck' actually stemmed from a pretty racy comic book from the 70s and was actually the cause of the first highly publicized 'creators rights' case in American comics when the creator clashed with publishers over creative content and got the boot. The movie took liberties with the plot and story lines. The one things that sticks with me the most from my childhood viewings of this film, were the overt sexual undertones.....which as a child confused the crap outta me...it was kinda gross cause the duck also didn't seem to have a penis. Do ducks have penises?And why would Lea Thompson go for a duck? Clearly she was miffed at her bad break up with Cappie from 'Lucas' and decided to go for a whole 'nother species. Charlie Sheen will do that to you.. But alas...I've digressed.

xoxo

Click here to see Lea Thompson's fictional band 'The Cherry Bombs' play the rock-tastic and creepy finale of HOWARD THE DUCK! Look out for Tim Robbins!

And here to see Chip Zien sing his heart out with Joanna Gleason as the Baker and Baker's wife at the 1988 Tonys! And please check out Angela Landsbury's shoulder pads. Remarkable!

The Easter Bunny's still here!

1) Finally he is about to take out the one soul who knows all his secrets......

2) Easter Bunny's really let himself (and his pug) go, though he's kept his head on a strict diet.

3) The Easter Bunny is egged on by the Cocker Spaniel (codename: Sicko), as Golden Retriever 'Buddy' is none the wiser to the nefarious plan to create an all powerful/all knowing 'Bunny Retriever'.

Hindsight is 20/20 part 2 aka '9 times'

"Gummy Bear?"

OMG! My genius childhood friend Adam Blau just read Hindsight is 20/20 part 1 and totally referenced Jeffrey Jones aka Mr. Rooney aka the bad guy in Howard the Duck aka a REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER!

Crazy shiz is, I used to see this dude ALL THE TIME, walking around the Upper West Side of NYC. "I've seen Mr. Rooney niiiiiiine times, this month!" "Graaace!" "With you're bad back you shouldn't be throwing anyone!" Oh the stupid things I wanted to yell as he walked past.

Honestly, there is probably nothing I could have said, had I had freeze frame power back in 1986 to stop this perv from breaking the law and being he lowest form of creepy. I KNEW there was something off about the way he looked at that girl who offered him gummy bears during the end credits....he wanted her to be a boy!

Is drinking car fuel a little over the top?

My husband and I had a lovely discussion at sushi tonight about this fine piece of 80s cinema.....Here is Sylvester Stallone as Lincoln Hawk kicking John "I drink Valvoline as a form of intimidation" Grizzly's ass in the only arm wrestling film I know of, 'Over the Top'....

And for your viewing pleasure, check out the final match between Sly and the aptly named Bull Hurley (he sounds like one, 'specially in the slo-mo the director utilized over and over). Make sure to listen for the Wicked Witch of the West, trippy horror score during the 4 minute long battle royal of the arm!

Meet me half way across the sky. I'll be the one strapped to the bald eagle.

xoxo

The Secret of Nimh scared the Nimh outta me!

Mrs B dealing with some crazy sh%t

Mrs. B haggling on the price of a spear

Rats falling to their death

Evil mega-rat killing cute otter type

So, ya know those movies that are for kids except they are really FRIGGIN scary, like 'The Dark Crystal' and 'Labyrinth'...well, for me, those two were child's play in comparison to the 1982 Don Bluth film, 'The Secret of Nimh'. For my four year old self, this film was that "frightening-I can't deal with how stark the colors are-I am SO scared of those horrible bad guys and why the hell do I keep watching this movie" movie.

First of all, Mrs. Brisby the field mouse was a WIDOW! So, now my 4 year old self learned that parents can DIE! After the father's death, they had to live in a CINDER BLOCK on a farm and it's gonna be plowing time soon! Their heads can be whacked off! So it's imperative that Mrs. B moves her family out! Clearly the writer of 'Precious' saw this film....

OK! Then!! Mrs. B's youngest son Timmy, the cutest animated field mouse to ever grace the screen (don't object...this is before'An American Tale'), falls ill....and it's possibly FATAL! Great! This is some 'Grapes of Wrath' sh*t. Then Mrs. B visits the scary as all hell Great Owl, who tells her to go to this secret colony of rats called NIHM. We soon find out that this colony of rats have been tested on by humans! This is way too much for my 4 year old brain to handle. Their leader Nicodermus ends up becoming the target of a coup and there is an attempt on his life.

During all this vermin hub bub, I'd sit very still, frightened of what will happen when it's plowing time on Long Island, wondering if I will be forced to find a colony of super smart children to help my dying troll doll and free my family from the dangers of the world. Needless to say, this was a horrifying movie that, as a child, I subjected myself to over and over again when nothing else was on TV. This, and the 1988 classic 'Johnny Be Good' and the Tim Curry vehicle (hehe) 'The Worst Witch'.....but I digress....Lesson here folks, don't let your kids watch TV...

Corbett Tuck - The world's best shopping partner

"Ladies and gentleman, Ms. Corbett Tuck" - Elton John

Chloe Tuck-Whannell

Here is a "shout out" Z100 FM style to my girl Corbett Tuck. This chick is bad ass....She is always on my exact wavelength and has the fiercest style. She's the gal you invite to a party to make it fun. She has a blind dog names Chloe who can drink you under the table. You should check out her blog www.girl-domestic.com She's pretty too, huh?

Smells like bacon!

I hate bacon. Which is completely Un-American. If Joe McCarthy was alive, Arthur Miller would write a play about me. To me, bacon is simply vulgar. Plus, pigs are insanely intellegent and cute. Just look at this married guy and his pet mini-pig! The mini-pig has no choice but to smell his stale cigarette-coffee breathe...and learn to love it! Ya know why? Cause we're HUMANS, and we rule the world! You can even buy one as a pet (in certain states!) http://www.royaldandie.com/

Even Miss elizabeth is dead??

OK-- so I am a wikipedia junkie. There is something awesome about looking up ANYTHING. Yeah yeah so it's an open forum and anyone can add false info. That doesn't change the fact that I just won a Pulitzer prize. Look me up on wikipedia. It's true. So, I am looking up one of my favorite childhood passions, WWF wrestling of the late 80s, an lo and behold it seems as though most of the dudes are dead. And even Miss Elizabeth, the loyal manager of Randy Savage until evil Hulk Hogan got to her. That sucks. They all died from heart attacks due to drugs. F*%k that. Shout out to those passed and the few still living...especially... Randy Savage, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Bret The Hitman Heart, Mean Jean Okerland, The Bushwhackers, The British Bulldogs, The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase, and of course Andre the Giant who lives on as a marketing scheme by genius Japanese people....I digress....

Hindsight is 20/20

Look at these two. Young. Talented. In their prime. She was about to play Baby. He just wrapped Lucas and was a few years away from Platoon. I wish I could freeze frame them and say "DON'T GET A NOSE JOB JEN!! IT MAKES YOU DISTINCT! DISTINCT IN A WAY THAT NO AMOUNT OF GOOD ACTING WILL EVER MEASURE UP TO! SERIOUSLY BITCH! IT WILL RUIN YOUR CAREER FOREVER!" and "CHUCK! DON'T MARRY EVERY PERSON YOU SLEEP WITH! AND USE PROTECTION OR YOU WILL HAVE LIKE 20 KIDS WITH A DOZEN OR SO ANGRY HAGGARD BLONDES" Ah well. Jen continues the MOW circuit and Charlie continues the civil court circuit. If only someone had told them.

I digress....