SHANNEN DOHERTY: MY HERO

In 1990, I wanted to BE Shannen Doherty. In 2012, it was 4am and I was watching infomercials and there she was in a horrifically rad online college infomercial. And then, this video was born:

The FB "Compare & Despair"...don't do it!

THOUGHT OF THE DAY: We all present our best and most awesome versions of ourselves on Facebook, don't we? I've yet to see a status update that says "Well, that was a shitty interview/audition/meeting/concert/outing/job/vacation/wedding." I mean, it happens, but it's rare.
If we judge life by facebook status updates, everyone is ALWAYS successful, happy, ecstatic and loving life. No one EVER looks bad, has bad hair days or fails at anything ever.

So, when you find yourself on someone else's page, in a moment of "compare and despair," remember that you are actually comparing your WHOLE self to a very small percentage of someone else's whole self. And they are doing the same, I promise.

I swear to God, if the only things that happened in my life were the ones I shared on Facebook, I'd have a shit eating grin on my face all day long. If I looked, on a daily basis, the way I look in my facebook pics, I'd never buy eye cream again. It's so hard NOT to look around and think, "well, how do I stack up?" but, in my opinion, this question is the killer of creativity, time, days and self-esteem. It's a question that should be banished far, far away.....to the land of deleted photos.

GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS

Okay, so I just watched the pilot of HBO's new series, "Girls". After reading a few diatribes online, I was curious to see what all the hate was about. After the credits ran I sat there, having been thoroughly entertained and impressed with Lena Dunham's writing, and thought to myself "Seriously??"

In a world where "The Real Housewives" are more popular than The Pope (to some), why is a narrative show about complicated white girls living in New York City some sort of bastion for anger, mockery or jealousy?

So, these actresses are related to famous people! Who cares?? I'd be hard pressed to find a show where someone in the cast/crew was not related to a well known/successful member of the entertainment industry. I'd also be hard pressed to find someone in the position to benefit from their parents' success who would pass that gift up.

I wonder if any of this criticism would be bandied about if this was a show about four white guys. Was "Entourage" criticized for being "too white" or "too sexist" for that matter. I highly doubt it. The Washington Times said the show "depicts a wasteland of promiscuity". Are they seriously saying that females depicting what it's actually like to be young and dating in NYC should all wear scarlett letters while the bachelors of TV, be it Don Draper, Vincent Chase or Hank Moody are just "being men"??

I lived out my early 20s in NYC and what they are showing, whether it pisses people off or not, is exactly what it is like to be between your parents nest and your own in a very rich city. Yes, some people are poorer than the girls depicted and yes, these characters come off a bit spoiled. Cause they are. And what is wrong with putting that type of person under a microscope? Why do audiences totally eat up the Kardashians' wasteful bullshit yet totally rip down women who are working hard and being creative?

The thing that puzzles me is that most of this backlash is from women. Shouldn't we, as an overall group, applaud interesting shows that portray some of the realities of being a woman? It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but in my opinion, it beats watching four idiot guys bum around L.A. screwing everything that moves. But, perhaps, that reality is more palatable to the audience at large than four female-relatives-of-successful-people portraying layered, keenly-observed characters written by a young author with a very bright future.

In other news Mr. Belvedere is anti-babies!

This week, ex-teen heartthrob Kirk Cameron, decided it was time to tell the world what he thinks. And what he thinks is that homosexuals are an abomination. Thanks Kirk. Don't remember ANYONE asking your opinion about anything since 1987.

What really bugs is not the fact that he's a hateful anti-human religious zealot, but more that PEOPLE ARE REACTING TO IT. GLAAD is calling him out, Tracey Gold is saying he's wrong, Nikki Sixx thinks he's a total d-bag. (BTW, love that the ex-stars of the 80s are banding together against him.) But, in my opinion, the BEST reaction would be NO reaction. It's not as if someone who is at all in the public eye is coming out as a nazi. Some has-been is an ignorant moron. Big deal. How is this even news?

Of course, here I sit typing away about the situation, so perhaps I'm part of the problem. Me and my dozen or so followers.

If I could sit down with him, I'd tell him to worry about his own marriage, family, life. I wish I could tell him that no one cares about his opinion, but sadly, the reaction to his pitiful little diatribe proves otherwise. My biggest fear is that now that Kirk has opened the door, more has been TV actors are going to step up to the mic and we'll be forced to listen to what they think.

I swear to God, if Conrad Bain (who is still alive and kickin at 89 btw) comes out with his opinion on illegal immigration, I will scream. And what will I scream? THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0CYJNw9YJQ&feature=related

The fog is getting thicker...

Johnny clips:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/1m3e

Had Johnny's voice in my head today for some reason. So I went on the ol imdb and sadly found that Stephen Stucker, the comedic genius that played Johnny in Airplane! passed away when he was only 38. He was one of the first actors to openly tell the media he was diagnosed with HIV. He even went on Donahue back when people were afraid of touching someone with HIV, to try and dispel the myth.

Apparently, he was also a gifted composer. In his short career, he gave some very memorable free and joyous performances

The fact that I can have his voice stuck in my head is testament to that.

Macho Macho Man...

So Macho Man Randy Savage just passed away..and with him, some of my childhood did as well. He was my ALL TIME favorite WWF wrestler. The day of his death, I was on line at Vons and this adorable 12 year old was begging her jovial dad for a Slim Jim, right behind me. The dad was hemming and hawing (as I would do if my child begged me to eat a processed stick of MSG infused cow hooves). I couldn't help myself, I turned to the dad and let him know that the Slim Jim spokesperson, Macho Man Randy Savage, has just passed away. The dad, who already knew, was inspired. We decided that in honor of Randy Savage's passing, his daughter should get the slim jim. She was thrilled and actually thanked me. Cute kid. Sadly, she was not aware of who her real benefactor was. She would never understand the sheer entertainment Randy Savage bestowed upon us children of the 90s. One can only hope that he and Miss Elizabeth are reunited in heaven in that big ring up in the sky.

Rest in Peace Macho Man. Ohhhhhh Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaah!

Connections in the Missed

So last year 'round Christmas time my friends and I got together and decided we wanted to make something. What? We had no clue. We thought we'd start by calling ourselves a writing group. It has since morphed into this. I present you all with ......dun duh duh duuun!!! (those Disney fairy tale king/queen horn thingies are played by blonde cartoon horn players in red tails) Left Right Seven !! (website by Susan Joy Designs) Our first series of web videos is called "Missed Connections" based on the same named section of craigslist! What is a missed connection you may ask? Here is an example:

4pm, L.A., A dude walks into a library with a bowl of mac n cheese and is wearing a "Who Dat?" Saints t-shirt. He spots a girl wearing ballet flats and a jaunty hat reading "A Clockwork Orange". They exchange glances. Dude goes to the bathroom and when he comes back, jaunty girl is gone! He goes online and posts "I was the guy in the L.A. library at 4pm today with the mac n cheese and the Saints T. You: jaunty hat reading clockwork orange. Maybe we can join forces one day..email me back here if you see this!"

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES that a) she was even looking at him to begin with b) she is going to go online to see if HE wrote about her? Right? Well, what we do at LR7 is take these missed connections and interpret the given situations, using the posting's EXACT wording. It's craazy fun!!

Together we've written directed, acted, edited, written music and are now in the process or marketing these vids (16 shot so far!)...

Won't you take a look?

Double Rainbow LOST FOOTAGE

So, yeah, we did this 2 months ago during all the Double Rainbow guy hype. I just watched it again and truly love this little nugget of random...Enjoy....

My very short review of "The Other Guys"

"The Other Guys" was like that new friend who you're all hot and heavy with at first and then a few days into knowing this person, they show up at your door drunk at 4am crying about inane crap and ask you to help them move and drive them to the airport.. at which point you just wanna be like..."Look you, I love that you are the ONLY other person who gets my 'Peanut Butter Solution' references and that we both had perms in 7th grade, but clearly I've made an error in judgement here, so get off my doorstep and go write a one-person show about yourself. I think that's a way better venue for all the garbage you're trying to vomit out on me. I'm gonna go back inside, un-pause "Cheaters" and just pretend this never happened.
Yeah, "The Other Guys" was pretty much just like that.


In other news...MICHAEL KEATON WAS IN IT!!!! YEEEAH! But it still was lame BOOOOO!

Clifford

No, I am not talking about the giant red dog that sits on the pages of children's bookshelves all across the world. I am talking about Clifford the 1994 Short-Grodin-Steenburgen film where 40 year old Martin Short played a 10 year old boy. WHAT THE F%CK?! Why was he playing a child?? Was Macauley too busy filming "Richie Rich"? There was no botox then! The dude had crows feet! I went to see this in the theatre and though I can hardly remember the film, I was very disturbed afterwards. And, sidebar, what was I doing going to see this film at that point in time? I was already in high school...I already had bangs...I was ... such. a. dork. Annnyway, I do recall at one point in the film, Clifford is being tucked in by his uncle(Charles Grodin)'s fiancee (Mary Steenburgen) and I remember wondering if they were going to have sex...which was so gross for so many reasons, namely my mind immediately went to Steenburgen tucking in a cooing baby-diaper wearing Ted Dansen in some sort of odd sex game. I think this film goes in the pile with "Problem Child"..yet another extremely disturbing "comedy" about a sadistic young boy who, for all intensive purposes, tries to murder his parents. Films about crazy young kids (even if they are 40) aren't comedies. They should, however, be used as birth control in areas with a high rate of teen pregnancies. If you have sex, your kid will look like Martin Short and burn down your house! Take THAT West Virginia!

People who say "Samesies" (sounds like same-zees)..

instead of "I agree" need to be shot.

How has our vernacular become so cutesty lately? Can we PLEASE just go back to saying actual WORDS. I know, I know, I use the word "shizz" too often...and I will stop this. But what is this crap? "Literally" is used incorrectly on a daily basis, "like" is a relic left over from the 80s that needs to be canned and "for realz" is just plain bad spelling. Speak English, native English speakers! The urban dictionary is not a real dictionary! Valley Girls are now soccer moms! And ebonics sounds ridiculous on you Justin Bieber! Ugh, I am so going to be one of those old ladies with an ear horn, yelling at children to get off my lawn....

Werd.

This hamster...

PERVERT!

The boulevard of broken dreams OR the top floor of Comicon

So, I was at Comicon with my husband promoting his 3D film Shockwave:Darkside and was mosying around the main floor with all the freaks. At some point, I tired of the smell of dirty nerd and meandered upstairs to a much less congested room with a bunch of metal chairs and tables set up in rows. I had not realized at this juncture that I had stepped into......THE BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS!

The layman calls this "The Signing Room". When you see media coverage of signings, it's super famous folks with a line going out the door, taking pix and smiling....these signings happen on the main floor with much attention and hub bub from the droves of face painted fans. The aforementioned signing room is relegated for those who've either passed their prime, or paid to get a booth in the hopes of making some extra scratch (and who can blame them, I'd do it if anyone cared!)

Here's the run-down of who I saw....in order of where they were sitting:

The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase and Virgil from 80s WWF fame- My exchange with them was brief though I was very excited to see them. My father and I spent many a bonding Sunday afternoon watching their roid-filled antics so it was quite nostalgic for me to actually meet them. That nostalgia became nausea as I soon felt as though these men were beyond miserable and hated me. But I got a picture nonetheless!

The cast of "What's Happening?" - OK this was a big deal as I LIVED for this show growing up, but I could not get past the fact that Raj now looked like he was 100 years old and Re-run was gorging on seasoned curly fries. I could not walk up to them...I was frozen in fascination.

Malcolm Mcdowell???- Doesn't this guy still have a career?...Isn't he the one trying to ruin Ari on Entourage? This man is a phenomenal actor and it was really odd to see him taking money from people for his autograph. Someone clearly got caught up in the mortgage crisis of '09.

The Soup Nazi-- The actor from Seinfeld...Right next to Malcolm Mcdowell!! Clearly this guy does LOTS of these conventions, he had the most swag and life size stand-up cardboard posters of himself..and because of this, his booth was full. It was kinda surreal that this guest star from an early 90s sitcom still had any sort of following but, I think, as is the case with all the people on this floor, he is a novelty...kinda like a Pez dispenser (which the main floor has millions of..btw).

Shar Jackson- Kevin Federline's OTHER ex wife! She's not famous for anything other than being on Moesha and having babies with Kevin Federline. She was, of all the people on this floor, the most upbeat and bubbly. I don't know why but God bless her! and her babies!

Some guy who had a recurring guest star on a season of LOST-

This guy CLEARLY ordered too many headshots at Reproductions...he had STACKS of them, all different looks too, and had a look on his face like "please take one!" I stared for awhile totally confused as to who he was since he looked like one of the nerds from the main floor who decided he needed to have a booth, but apparently Rich had seen him at a few acting workshops they'd taken together. Good for you! You were a guest star on a popular show and you are takin it to the bank! Why was I never on Lost?!!

Some girl from one of the High School Musical movies - Not the famous one who leaked naked pix of herself. Some other girl. I actually studied her for awhile trying to guess who she was, then had to look above her head to see. She was sitting next to some guy who I think was also in High School Musical, though his name was not on the sign.

At this point Rich and I began talking about these autograph signers as though they could not hear us. Rich was like "Who's that?" I was like "I think she was in a Disney movie." We began to feel like zoo-patrons and the boulevard of broken dreams became the viewing area at The San Diego Zoo. It started to feel really ugly and odd. All these "stars" needed to do was start throwing feces. But we didn't stick around for that as we had to get going to Rich's panel.

The Boulevard of Broken Dreams made me feel really bad. It was like going to some museum where people who you've known from their 80s sit com are stuck behind glass, staring back at you, asking you for money so you can say "look at me, I met so-and-so, how novel..." and then you get to leave and go on with your life, while they are stuck, behind museum glass, so other patrons can gawk and point. Well...I guess I didn't feel THAT bad.....

In honor of my OUTFEST debut

It takes a real man to do drag. It takes a realer man to pay his taxes. (Sorry Wesley)

Kirk Douglas has still got it!

At least 'I'm-not-gay-Xenu-told-me-so' John Travolta seems to think so! Werk it!

Not okay.

He's clearly rolling a booger with his fingers. Guttenberg!

Retirement has not been good to Spiderman

With great power comes a pretty crappy HMO

When animals attack

Agility train this, bitch!

Why I hate facebook

Hey, guy I had a fabulous fairy tale fling with when I was 15, you belong etched in my memory as my Danny Zuko, wearing that leather jacket and flannel and living on the edge! I do not need to be flooded daily with images of your pot belly and bald head and hear about your band's album's availability on CDbaby! Certain people places and things need to remain where they belong...in our memories. Facebook erases the wonderment and finality of relationships that were meant to stay dormant and never enter your thoughts again. I cannot tell you how many times a day I am poked prodded or liked by people who, in my mind, are 11-17 years old. Maybe I'm old fashioned and most would say I am, but there is something so lovely about letting certain people lie peacefully in the recesses of my brain. I do not need to beat the dead body of friendships faded nor do I need to reinsert myself into other's lives who've clearly been fine without me all these years. Social networking takes the nostalgia and fun out of bumping into an old friend or flame. It takes the "I wonder" out of every moment of reflection on your social past. I'd go so far as to say it makes life a little more predictable. And that is why I hate facebook.

I give myself 2 minutes til I'm back stalking my exes. ;)

To quote Lisa Kudrow from The Comeback : "I don't want to see that!"

New meaning of the word HEADSHOT

"All right everyone be calm, here's how this is gonna go down. You are going to go outside and rip up that sign-in sheet and tell all those other actors to leave. Then, I am going to blow your mind with these "Biker Dude" sides. Then, you are going to call the production office of 'Zach and Cody' and tell them you've found their biker dude. Nice n slow and no one gets hurt!"

Way to take charge of your career dude!! Bra-friggin-vo!!