In honor of my OUTFEST debut

It takes a real man to do drag. It takes a realer man to pay his taxes. (Sorry Wesley)

Kirk Douglas has still got it!

At least 'I'm-not-gay-Xenu-told-me-so' John Travolta seems to think so! Werk it!

Not okay.

He's clearly rolling a booger with his fingers. Guttenberg!

Retirement has not been good to Spiderman

With great power comes a pretty crappy HMO

When animals attack

Agility train this, bitch!

Why I hate facebook

Hey, guy I had a fabulous fairy tale fling with when I was 15, you belong etched in my memory as my Danny Zuko, wearing that leather jacket and flannel and living on the edge! I do not need to be flooded daily with images of your pot belly and bald head and hear about your band's album's availability on CDbaby! Certain people places and things need to remain where they belong...in our memories. Facebook erases the wonderment and finality of relationships that were meant to stay dormant and never enter your thoughts again. I cannot tell you how many times a day I am poked prodded or liked by people who, in my mind, are 11-17 years old. Maybe I'm old fashioned and most would say I am, but there is something so lovely about letting certain people lie peacefully in the recesses of my brain. I do not need to beat the dead body of friendships faded nor do I need to reinsert myself into other's lives who've clearly been fine without me all these years. Social networking takes the nostalgia and fun out of bumping into an old friend or flame. It takes the "I wonder" out of every moment of reflection on your social past. I'd go so far as to say it makes life a little more predictable. And that is why I hate facebook.

I give myself 2 minutes til I'm back stalking my exes. ;)

To quote Lisa Kudrow from The Comeback : "I don't want to see that!"

New meaning of the word HEADSHOT

"All right everyone be calm, here's how this is gonna go down. You are going to go outside and rip up that sign-in sheet and tell all those other actors to leave. Then, I am going to blow your mind with these "Biker Dude" sides. Then, you are going to call the production office of 'Zach and Cody' and tell them you've found their biker dude. Nice n slow and no one gets hurt!"

Way to take charge of your career dude!! Bra-friggin-vo!!

I've got something in my eye.

This is what happens when you watch too much porn.

Happy Monday!

The best part of waking up is toenails in your cup.

Happy fourth!

Love,

Tom (before he went all 'L. Ron')

Neighbors

Nope. Not talking about the Australian TV drama. I am talking about neighbors. The people that you meet when you're walking down the street. The people who have a band of 20 year old frat boys living in their backyard screaming the lyrics to "Slam duh duh duh" by Onyx at all hours while they build a stage for their "acting". I am talking about the weirdos who live upstairs and play bongos at 5am while moving furniture. Here's a shout out to all of them. I salute you. You live in a world with no rules or sense of others around you. You think the world needs and wants to hear your voice, loudly, at 2am. And here's to those who've portrayed you on TV... speaking of which, why don't you GO INSIDE and watch some?

This happened

and it was awesome.

Greatest movie insults of all time

Keep these gems in your back pocket for those occasions when you need the perfect way to tell someone just how much they suck. Enjoy!